After getting a surprising amount of shit from an apparently large male audience for not including menswear suggestions in my Hey! Shiny Objects! Coachella post, I decided to avoid doing my day job attempt one… until I thought to myself, why the fuck are you asking for my advice?

“You’re a guy, stfu – this isn’t about you and what clothes you’re going to ruin from getting super bro-sweaty.”

– JP Barcenas

But seriously – I’m flattered by the amount of requests I’ve gotten from dudes, considering I do not work in fashion, nor am I knowledgeable at all regarding men’s attire. Fellas, you’ve been warned.

The general man wardrobe for ‘Chella is pretty simple: bro tanks, short sleeved button ups, ironic or trendy T’s, short shorts (sky’s out, thighs out – right, guys?), hipster jorts for those nuts (pun intended) enough to brave the heat and lack of ventilation, Vans or Converse or flip flops, a good pair of shades, and maybe a hat. Not complicated. Consider bringing a backpack and a flannel. Don’t be afraid to mix things up with prints, colors, body paint, and facial hair. Don’t wear any Native American headdresses. That’s pretty much all I’ve got for ya. Here are some pictures you could have Googled yourself of guys who should be my Coachella boyfriend whose outfit choices I support.



Sup, Aaron Barker
Sup, Aaron Barker


You’re welcome. Now stop messaging me on Facebook asking for outfit advice and put my whale body on your shoulders.



4 thoughts on “Brochella

  1. I think that the only thing that is worse than the outfits and styles that you picked out was the words that preceded them including:

    1. Your paragraph about removing your ribs which allowed you to tastefully perform fellatio on yourself for a full half hour- did people really ask you to do this post? Or are you just trying to justify to yourself why you even tried to put something of relevance together?

    2. Terrible quotes are one of the worst ways to cause suicide rates in your readers to increase. Make sure to avoid lines of text that cause people to kill themselves.

    3. Finally, your lack of ability to come up with anything creative for the clothing recommendation mixed in perfectly with the rest of the article.

    You should definitely quit your day job and focus on this blog full time and before you know it you will be broke on the streets. I would have to imagine that is your life goal, is it not?

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