To say that I did not absolutely dominate in the costume department this weekend would be grotesquely inaccurate. In the words of my beloved Schmidt, I crushed it. Duh. Are you even surprised? Because I’m not. I’ve told you before that costumes
and delusions of grandeur are my forté. I believe this weekend only further solidified my mad skillz.
And it ain’t even Halloween yet.
Naturally, Halloweekend is where most of the magic happens. Biggest parties.
Sluttiest Best costumes. Debauchery. Shenanigans. Mischief. Muploads. This is where the big guns come out. Girl, don’t you dare put on a LBD and some kitty ears and consider yourself in acceptable attire for Halloween weekend. Rude. Securrrity. Of course, I don’t even have that option. I have a reputation to uphold. I didn’t consecutively win “Most Creative” in my sorority for nothing, people.
I suppose you could say that the theme of the weekend turned out to be royalty: A king. A princess. A dream to be worshipped by everyone in the land… *sigh*. Friday evening, I couldn’t wait any longer to debut my highly anticipated David Bowie guise á la King Jareth from the 1986 cult classic Labyrinth. Although I was occasionally mistaken for Dolly Parton, I am going to blame the confusion on my breasts – in which case, thank you and I am flattered. Saturday night, I went with a last minute need to be Cinderella. Props to me, because I do believe the ensemble came together rather nicely for a decision made at 8pm.
Hold. Your. Applause.
… Okay, now applaud. Although both of this weekend’s costumes were (obviously) popular among my many fans, I’ll admit I did resemble a transsexual hooker at times. I’ll chalk that up to my combined usage of wigs and 5 lbs of make-up rather than my large framed, linebacker bod. However, the plethora of “likes” on Insta and the Book aren’t hurting my
Numbers don’t lie, people.
And you can bet your bottom dollar I’ll be going the distance this Wednesday.
When It Comes To My Costumes, Disguise The Limit!
Additional Notes: I did, in fact, dress as a sexy kitten on said holiday. It was slutty. It was provocative. It was a success. Next year maybe I’ll be a sexy pumpkin.