I Mustache You A Question

Movember may not be for another month or so, but I can hold this in no longer: I have a confession to make, yet again. You might think it’s dirty, but maybe that’s why I like it… My friends don’t understand… I’m not sure I even understand… However, I think it is time for me to publicly acknowledge to the world that…

I have a thing for mustaches.

Mustache rides: 50¢

Let me be clear, just because a guy has a mustache doesn’t mean I’m going to be into it. Like, sorry Wilford Brimley, it’s never gonna happen. But an old school Burt Reynolds or Tom Selleck? Now we’re talking. Hello, there’s a reason Monica was so into Dr. Burke on Friends… mustache rides, obvs. Yeah, he was old enough to be her dad – but he had a killer ‘stache and he wore it with confidence and it was pretty damn sexy. Remember the one where Chandler even gets jealous of Richard’s ‘stache? That only legitimized its power. *Cue Darth Vader impersonation* You don’t know the powa of the ‘stache ride!

Am I wrong in guessing that mustaches are often representative of a man’s masculinity? They’re like, hey bro, I have a mustache, therefore, I’m more of a man than you are – and then when a guy can’t grow a real mustache, he gets all self-conscious about it. Lol.

What I can’t seem to wrap my finger around is why more of my female friends aren’t into the moustache. Call me crazy, but I think there’s something totally hot about them on the right kinda guy. I like my men to be men. A hairy chest. Some scruff. A ‘stache. Oh baby... It’s manly. It’s masculine. I dig it. Werewolves need not apply – unless you look like Joe Manganiello:


I feel that mustaches, like cats, just have a bad rap with the women of my generation. Many of my female peers probably associate them with 70’s porn stars, molesters, historical villains, and hipsters. Maybe it reminds them of their dads from the 80’s & 90’s, but my father, however, never rocked the solo ‘stache – thank GOD. (But I’m sure you could pull it off if you wanted to, Bill.)

“It’s a time machine to the back of Burt Reynold’s camero.”

Regardless of an individual’s sexual attraction to the mustache, there is no denying its resurgence in popular culture. The Mustachio Bashio is all the rage, finger ‘stache tats are flourishing, and I am pleased to see this facial accessory making a few more appearances in my social circle. If you are a dude and aren’t daring enough to attempt the independent ‘stache, go ahead and start off with the full on beard. A lot of chicks dig the scruffy look, so it’s not too difficult to take that to the next level. Personally, I find that style pretty foxy as well – until you begin to resemble a lumber jack or the homeless… Or until making out with you becomes facial rape on my chin.

Ladies, when the month of November arrives and we are in the midst of unshaven men, I implore you to see the mustache as a masculinely alluring facial ornament. Allow it to draw you in. Learn to love it. Go for a mustache ride or seven. And remember, it’s for a good cause!

Because who doesn’t love a homemade mustache montage?


2 thoughts on “I Mustache You A Question

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