Unless I fulfill the plan of eventually going for my masters degree, I will never have another first day of school again. No more Staples and Target and Office Depot runs to make sure I have the best collection of highlighters and Lisa Frank accessories. No more sharpening pencils. No more awesome jelly roll pens. No more flashy keychains and notebooks and backpacks. The one thing that made summer’s end a little less sour was back to school shopping.
My Little Mermaid backpack was the shit. I’m feeling very nostalgic and it isn’t even #TBT. I weirdly miss the preparation that went into it all: checking each item off the list, laying out my clean uniform or 1st day clothes, deciding how to wear my hair, and making sure I had a legitimate excuse for not finishing my summer reading list. Everything was simple then. The seasons were more pronounced. Summer was summer because school was out. It was fall because school was starting and you had to have the
sluttiest best Halloween costume in your sorority class. Winter meant Christmas break and a million presents. Spring meant it was my birthday, the most important time of the year almost summer. Now summer just means it’s hot and kids are running around everywhere. Seasons are only the weather and everybody is just working for the weekend.
The first day of school was also terrific because it was a fresh start. You’d have all of your new school supplies, some new teachers, new grades… etc. It was like that at the beginning of each semester. Those fresh starts come less frequently (or more, depending on how you look at things) the older you get. Now, the only “fresh start” adults seem to have is the New Year, but let’s not take that too literally. If you had a midget orgy on Christmas Eve and went streaking through Mass at the local church, the New Year isn’t going to give you a clean slate like that never happened. Let’s be real.
Am I freaking out because I feel like I need that clean slate? Do I need some kind of fresh start with my life? Do I need something new? Something different? Maybe I’m just freaking out because time is flying by and here I am, already 23 years old – an age that once seemed so old to me. So adult. Am I a grown-up? Maybe I’m just freaking out because my younger siblings are hitting milestones that I feel like I experienced yesterday. Today is the first day of school. My Little Bro is beginning his senior year of college (he’ll feel my pain soon enough) and the Baby Bro is starting middle school. Middle school. My baby brother is entering the grade I was in when he was born. Cue mindfuck. Besides the fact that I would never go through middle school or high school again, part of me is jealous that he has all of that ahead of him – so much time to learn from his sister’s
alcoholism and troublemaking mistakes. What am I talking about? I don’t make mistakes. I’m perfect.
Also, if I see another stupid fucking Target commercial singing about backpacks or denim jeans or pencils I am going to consume bath salts and gnaw everybody’s faces off. That is a threat, Target. And Payless, I am not a goddamned paleontologist.
Love you. Mean it.