Why Don’t I Have A Grammy Yet?

I’ve been called the songbird of my generation.

If we aren’t friends (in which case, you should reevaluate your life decisions),  then you need to be aware that I live my life like a never-ending Broadway musical. Singing always. All the time. Singing. Sorry I’m not even sorry a little bit. We should start a band.

Last night, a fellow blogger and dear friend of mine chose a karaoke bar for her birthday venue. It was, in a word, phenomenal. Although I don’t think my body has ever produced so much sweat outside of spin class, last night was a fabulous reminder that there are very few places I prefer to be more than on a stage entertaining a crowd. The beautiful thing about karaoke is that you can sound excruciatingly horrible and still have a delightful time rocking out. Everybody is drunk and nobody really cares if you’re singing ABBA slightly off key or don’t know the verses to Sweet Caroline.

Tonight… it’s my turn.

I almost feel like I need to apologize for semi-monopolizing the mic last night. What can I say? Sometimes, the music just takes a hold of your soul… Lady Marmalade just, like, does that to people. At one point, I most definitely commandeered a questionable rendition of Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” – so to those two gentlemen, you’re welcome.

I’m well aware that not everyone can be as electrifying as me enjoys karaoke. Although those of you without any musical ability whatsoever make excellent audience members and fans, you need to carpe diem and give it your best shot. This is me inspiring you because  I’m obviously a really inspirational person.

Allow me to be your Karaoke Spirit Guide!!!

First of all, know your voice. Sing in the car. Sing in the shower. Sing along with me. Are you country or rock’n’roll? Are you more of a Britney or a Beyoncé? Can you hit those high notes? Knowing your voice is, like, crucial for your song selection because song selection is, like, crucial. Personally, I prefer to begin my night with a Xanax good warm up song like “Bennie & the Jets” – classic and always a crowd pleaser. From there, I move on to something a little more embarrassing vocally challenging.

Ermagerd keraehrker

The second and more important key to your karaoke success is confidence. Although confidence is a good quality to possess in general, it is particularly useful in the art of  *Japanese accent*  karaoke. My young Padawans, the point isn’t to go up on stage and sing a song. Oh, no. You must own the microphone. Own the crowd. Entertain the masses. And don’t forget your liquid courage. By the end of the night, you and your fellow patrons will be so blacked out that you’ll think you’re Celine Dion.

Screw recreational sports… Who wants to start a karaoke league with me? All of you? Wow, I’m so popular.


Hey baby, let’s duet.


5 thoughts on “Why Don’t I Have A Grammy Yet?

  1. Abe Froman

    “Although I don’t think my body has ever produced so much sweat outside of spin class…”

    You’re clearly not taking into consideration a single piece of advice I’ve ever given you.

    1. Abe Froman… the sausage king of Chicago? Sorry the Gas Lite is in desperate need of an A/C. We can duet to Danke Schoen next time and then we can talk about sweating more. And sausage.

  2. HAHAHAHA LOVE THIS! A little bit of advice from someone who can’t sing but loves to get a crowd going: Old Time Rock and Roll. Totally easy to sing and you can really ham it up. Happy karaokeeing!

  3. Pingback: Happy 1 Year, Blog! | Sautterdays

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